Today is Just a Memory
by My-own-sin
Summary: Jack, Doug and Amy live together. Jack brings back some memories that should be happy of Amy's mother and he can't help but want that hole in his heart filled. Doug does all he can to help. It will take all of their friends to help when things go aray to
1. Brown Eyed Girl

Chapter 1: My Brown-Eyed Girl  
  
Jack rocked the crying baby in the wicker rocker Gram's had given him. Little Blonde Amy was just under eighteen months. "Hush, little baby don't say a word. Daddy's going to buy you a mocking bird. And if that Mocking Bird won't sing, Daddy's going to buy you a diamond ring." Doug walked out into the unseasonably warm weather for Capeside. "And if that diamond ring turns brass," Doug sung along with Jack, "Daddy's going to buy you a looking glass." Jack looked up at Doug, who placed a hand on the back of the rocker. Amy's thumb found it's way to her mouth, and with a little moan Amy was asleep. Jack continued to hum to "Hush Little Baby," until it was safe to put her down again for the night. Five minutes later, Amy's thumb stopped pulsating signaling that she was indeed asleep. "Here, Let me take her." Doug said, bending down to get his boyfriend's daughter. "Thanks, Doug." Jack said, leaning back into the chair. He closed his eyes, these early morning wake-ups would end soon, he hoped. The light purple and silver sky of the sun rising over the ocean was beautiful, but signaled a long and busy day ahead.  
  
"Why don't you get to bed, Jack? You still have another hour or two to sleep." "You're right Doug," He tried to lift himself from the chair, but was so tired that he found it difficult. "Up you go, McPhee." Doug said as he lifted Jack into his arms. Jack's light frame was easy to pick up, "Jack, how much do you weigh now?" "I don't know." "Jack, you have to eat. I see you push away your food at dinner. Do you do that at lunch too?" "I don't know... does it matter." "Jack, just because Jen died, doesn't mean that you can stop living yourself. You have to take care of Amy." "I know." Jack said, about to drift off into a peaceful sleep. "Make sure you eat." "Mmmm," Jack said. Doug placed the man on his bed, kneeling beside him and clasping his hands to his own, "I worry about you Jack." _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_- _-_  
  
The shrill sound of the alarm woke a sleeping Jack up. Slipping his feet out from beneath him he noticed that Doug was laying in a fetal position, his head resting on his hands like a pillow. 'He's beautiful,' Jack thought, thoughts that would have betrayed him while he was in high school, 'he's perfect.' "Mmm," Doug sighed; an eye opened peaking up at Jack sitting on the bed. "Morning beautiful," Doug sighed, "Why are you staring at me like that?" "Because I love you." Jack replied, "and I want you to know that." "I love you too." "Do you still want to go jogging this morning?" Jack asked, their daily ritual had been a little disturbed with Amy's restless sleeping patterns. "Of course, when else do I get to be with my love, getting sweaty and or-- wait we do that nearly every night." Doug kidded, which resulted in a pillow thrown at him, "Oh, Now you're in for it." Doug jumped up and grabbed his pillow and swung it at Jack. "Oomph!" Jack wheezed, "Here you go!" He swung back, hitting Doug in the chest. Doug jumped on him, straddling his legs. "Pinned ya." He repeated Nayla off of The Lion King. He leaned down and kissed Jack. Jack put his arms around Doug's waist and smiled. "Come on," The energetic twenty-five year old said to his older partner. "Yes Mom," "Oi," Jack raised an eyebrow at him. _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_- _-_  
  
"You got the baby?" Doug yelled into Amy's room. Jack was putting Amy in a stroller for their morning jog. As a daily ritual for the summer, before Doug went in to work, he, Jack, and Amy would run along the beach. Doug knew he felt closer to Jen when he ran there. Jen loved the ocean and she and Jack would often visit in the mornings before school, just being together. Soul mates. *** "In we go, Ames." he placed a clean baby Amy in the blue and yellow stroller Jen had bought for Amy last year. Jack sniffed thinking about last year, Jen's last. He looked next to the crib at a picture of Amy's mother. Jack didn't believe he would ever feel whole again. He knew he was being a strain for Doug, all of his breakdowns. He didn't need medications, not like Andi. Andi was different. Andi and Mom were different.  
  
The hole in Jacks heart hurt so badly every day. He wished he could fill it with the person he loved most. But he knew he would never see his soul mate until his time was up. 'Jen, I wish my time was up, just so I could see you again...' he would silently cry every night, long after Doug's snores surrounded him in the room. He tried to be brave; he tried to be the man Doug thought he was. He wished Doug would just let him cry on his shoulder sometimes. Jack was always the strong one. When would his time be to be the weak one? *** "Here we go," Jack said to Doug and Amy as they walked out the front door onto their porch, "Doug, help us down the steps?" "Sure thing." Doug lifted the front of Amy's stroller to help Jack down the stairs.  
  
The two ran for an hour, in silence and puffing breaths. Amy as usual slept until they stopped for morning breakfast at Pacey's Ice House. Although the assistant manager, Tammi Blair was looking over it for him until he and Joey return from Boston. _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_- _-_ 


	2. Remember Us?

Today is Just a Memory  
  
Chapter 2: Remember Us?  
  
"Do you remember when Joey's dad burnt down the Icehouse?" Doug asked Jack as they walked up to Pacey's restaurant.  
  
"How couldn't I? I was almost killed. As was Jo." Jack replied.  
  
"I can't wait till Pace gets home so this place will be swinging again." Doug changed the subject with a look from Jack. Jack hasn't spoken of the past since Jen died. He refused to remember.  
  
"Yeah, Pace really has gotten this place up again." Jack and Doug pushed Amy into the Icehouse.  
  
"What are we having this morning fellas?" a familiar voice asked.  
  
"PACEY!" The two men shouted together, seeing their best friend was home again.  
  
The three met around the counter in a hug; close friends, lovers, and brothers all in one hug.  
  
"I knew you were gay, but when did you become cheerleaders?" Pacey laughed.  
  
The three laughed each with their arms around each other. Pacey's young face seemed as care free as when he was fifteen, and Doug's handsome blue eyes shone with delight. Jack looked less troubled than he had in some time; more carefree than he had been in a long time. Jack's eyes sparkled with mirth, his teeth showing from his mouth.  
  
"Mama..." Amy cooed from her stroller, "Mama.... Dada..."  
  
"Oh, is that little Amy? How's my favorite niece?" Pacey said, running to Amy and lifting her out of her stroller.  
  
"Baba..." she said.  
  
"She's hungry. Doug, can you get into her bag and get the bottle I brought along?" Jack's smile had wiped clean off when Amy said 'Mama'.  
  
"Sure, hun." Doug reached behind the stroller and into Amy's bag for the bottle Jack made reference of.  
  
"Pacey? Can I use your stove?"  
  
"Sure thing, buddy." Pacey said, bouncing the crying baby, "Shh... Shh..." = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = "Can I ask you something?" Doug asked Pacey.  
  
"Yeah, anything bro."  
  
Doug looked at his hands, then moved one across the table wiping invisible crumbs away. He shifted in his seat, and sat on a hand. Finally, he just rested them in his lap. "Pacey, Jack is really worrying me. Ever since Jen died, he hasn't been the same. I mean, I know they were best friends, but he has to go on. I mean, people are noticing and asking me at the station, 'What's wrong with Jack?'. I didn't want the world to know our business, but even I would like to know what's going on. Is that to much to ask?"  
  
"Douggie... You love Jack, of course you are going to be worried about him. He just lost the best friend he ever had. She was the only one he would even think of going straight for. I have known him for a long time, and even I am worried. He's always been this happy guy you know. I think we should talk to him, and make him feel like it's okay to talk about Jen, and the past, and the present. And be happy."  
  
"You are right..." = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Jack put a pan of water on the stove, and listened to the soft music playing in the background. 'Pacey must have been listening to this when he was cleaning the kitchen for opening.' Jack thought.  
  
He heard someone humming in the back, "If I could reach the stars/ Pull one down for you/Shine it on my heart/So you could see the truth/That this love I have inside/Is everything it seems/But for now I find/ It's only in my dreams/That I can /Change the world/ I would be the sunlight in your universe/ You would think my love was really something good /Baby, if I could change the world"  
  
"Joey!" Jack cried, "Joey! You came back!" he ran around the corner and picked up a surprised Joey from the floor.  
  
"Careful McPhee!" she laughed. He placed her back on the floor, "You know, you aren't just picking up one of us now..."  
  
"Joey, you're not?" She nodded her head.  
  
"Joey!" Jack hugged his friend, congratulating her on her pregnancy.  
  
"Three months after the wedding, that's some record. Does Dawson know yet?"  
  
She shook her head no, "I want to tell him when he comes home next week."  
  
"Oh, I'm so happy for you, Jo!" Jack said kissing her on her cheek. = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = Thanks to Yelak and Sam Cdn for your support ( It is appreciated. 


	3. Gentle Pilgrim

Today is Just a Memory: Chapter 3  
  
Gentle Pilgrim  
  
Doug walked into the house, stepping over Jack's dirty pants and shirts.  
  
"Jack!" he yelled bending over, "How many times do I have to tell you! Pick up your stuff!"  
  
Jack's head appeared down the stairwell, "Sorry hon. How was your day today?"  
  
Jack went back upstairs with the rest of his body. Doug heard the sound of baby toys rattling and squeaks here.  
  
"It was alright, we had to renew our CPR licenses, and work on our AED skills. Pretty fun."  
  
Jack smirked, by the sound of his voice, "Wanna practice that CPR on me?"  
  
Doug took off his boots and scaled the steps with ease, "Sure thing," he said, and turned Jack in his arms. He leaned down and passionately kissed him on the lips. Jack's arms slid up around Doug's neck, playing with the little curl on the nape of his neck. Doug's arms rested on Jacks hips, pulling him closer to him when Jack's fingers began to tickle his neck. The two men were about the same height, one maybe an inch taller. So the stretch from both lips wasn't more than planting the kiss on the other's lips. Jack began to feel his full effects on Doug, and the fever radiating from the older man.  
  
i What would happen if I were to throw you down and shag you restless? /i Jack thought.  
  
With heavy panting, and their foreheads resting together Doug pulled himself free from the binding lips of his lover.  
  
"I love you, Jack." He said, with this incredible passion flooding from his heart.  
  
Jack felt it too. "Doug, were it legal, wait, I don't care if it is legal or not."  
  
Jack fell to one knee, his eyes closed. His breath was heavy and labored. "Doug, I love you to 'the tips of my fingers' and to the furthest recesses of my heart. Doug, you are my one and only, and what I want most in my life. I have been with you through thick and thin, and I promise to always be there for you. I want you to be the father of my daughter, legally." Doug knew that when Jack said this, he was very serious.  
  
Many times they had played when their friends were around, and said something about marriage. Jack and Doug would say, "Well, my love, it seems we're the last to marry, what do you say to it?" and the other would kid about and shriek with glee.  
  
Jack continued, "Doug, there is nothing more in my life that I need to complete myself. You are what I need. I want you to be the one sharing my bed for the rest of my life. Doug, Will you marry me?"  
  
Doug's mouth dropped open when Jack pulled from his pocket, a small, black velvet box. He watched as his younger lover slowly opened it and to find a silver band sticking from the covers.  
  
Jack took his left hand and slipped the ring half way on his third finger. "Doug, will you be mine?"  
  
"Yes! Of course!" Doug said. He was relatively speechless at his partner's revelation. He fingered an identical black box in his uniform pocket. "Actually, Jack," Doug also got down on both knees, becoming eye level with Jack.  
  
"There is something I have wanted to give you for some time now, I just wasn't sure if you were ready or not." Doug took a deep breath and revealed his box. "I have loved you since I met you, and got to know you. Remember that party Pacey invited us to? I thought you were so beautiful, so handsome, so..." he drifted off remembering the night he found out he was gay, "You caused me some heartache, Jack." Doug laughed, "But, I'm glad it was you, and that you stuck around me throughout it all. I was so scared, and you were there to help me. I want to be there to help you, and Amy, I love you so much. You wouldn't believe how... free, I felt when I met you. Jack, I would have the world, if you would be my husband."  
  
Jack wiped away the tears from his eyes. "Doug, I will, Forever and forever..." he became choked up at these words, "Damn it," he shook, "I didn't want to cry."  
  
But, Doug's eyes weren't dry either. Doug was the happiest he had been in a very long time. He felt like running through the streets shouting at the top of his lungs that he was marrying the most handsome and beautiful man in the world.  
  
Later that night, hand in hand, Jack and Doug looked in on Amy and went to bed themselves.  
  
"I love you," Jack sighed into Doug's strong, protective arms after a passionate romp in the sack.  
  
"I love you, too." Doug said, before they both fell asleep.  
  
+++++++++++++++  
  
"Can you tell me, Mr. Connor, what Romeo and Juliet find out about each other in Act One, Scene Five?"  
  
"Uh..." Stephen stuttered, "Juliet finds out that she loves a guy who she isn't allowed to love."  
  
"Right!" Jack shouted, "She isn't allowed to love him, because her father and his father are fighting. Can anyone relate?"  
  
No hands went up in the classroom, "Aw, come on, I know you are all Sophomores and you have had to love somebody at least once."  
  
A tentative hand rose in the back, "Um, I once had a boyfriend whom my mom didn't like."  
  
"Good example, May." Jack said, "Any others?"  
  
When no one raised his or her hands, Jack volunteered himself. "My friend once had a relationship that he had to keep secret. There was an older woman in town, and she was well known in the public. She began dating my friend and they were found out. The town decided to fire her from her position and my friend was plagued by rumors for almost two years. This lady moved away and only came back once."  
  
"Which friend was this?" Marcy Jacobs asked.  
  
"Well, if I told you this, wouldn't that make the mystery and intrigue so much less?"  
  
The bell signaling the end of the period rang. "Make sure you read the next act for tomorrow!" he said as the kids gathered their books and headed for the door.  
  
Jack himself was ready to leave when someone approached him while exiting the door.  
  
"You FAG! I don't want to see you teaching our children!" 


End file.
